by: Cris Corzine-McCloskey

It’s confession time; I battle a secret addiction. The addiction is of people pleasing. It sneaks up, and before I know it, I’m busier than a one armed plate spinner. It makes me ooze with guilt and shame. Who have I disappointed? Who have I offended? If I spend too much time spinning my ministry and marriage plates, my friend plate suffers. I start spinning that one, my family plate starts to fall. I sit and ponder who I have let down and how I can make it up to them, knowing tomorrow I am doomed to fail someone again. As a therapist, I fight this because I recognize it as co-dependency, but the Bible calls it the “fear of man.”

The fear of man, aka people pleasing or co-dependency, is stealthy. It can masquerade as love and ministry, which means that it runs rampant in the Body of Christ. Let’s do a quick check to see if you suffer from this life sucking disorder: *Do you suffer from peer pressure? *Are you over-committed and can’t say no? *Do you “need” something from your spouse? (Do you “need” them to listen to or respect you for you to be okay?) *Is self-esteem an issue? *Do you second-guess decisions based on fear of what others will think? *Do you feel empty or meaningless? *Do you experience “love hunger”? *Do you worry what other people think of you? *Do you diet for your health, or how you appear to others? *Are you shaken when you believe others are not happy with you?

That is just a short list of symptoms, but it gives an idea of some of the various flavors of this disorder. While it may have a variety of hues, the common core is the same: a need for people to be okay with you or treat you well for you to be okay. The co-occurring problems that often accompany ‘fear of man’ are anxiety, depression, paranoia, guilt, shame, obsessional thinking, and manipulation, just to name a few. It also robs us of the ability to enjoy authentic relationships, because instead of being able to love someone for who they are, we need them to love us. That means the relationship becomes all about us and what we need from it.

Remember, in 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, it says that real love does not seek its own way. In other words, authentic love does not seek self-satisfaction in the relationship, it just loves. If you are thinking that sounds impossible, you would be correct. With man, this is impossible, because we are designed to worship. When your focus is on pleasing people and getting your love needs to be met from man, you have made man your idol. Here is your take away verse on what the Bible says about ‘fear of man.’ Proverbs 29:25 says “Fear of man is a snare, but trust in the Lord is safety.” Next week we will begin to explore this disorder from a biblical view. Till then, quit being so darn needy, it’s sucking the life out of you!

Categories:

Tags:

Comments are closed