by: Cris Corzine-McCloskey
I’ve been sucker-punched by holiday grief. Wow, do I ever miss Dad! But I don’t get the kind of grief that makes others want to hug me. Nope, I get weird, overly sensitive, and kind of mean. No one want’s to be around me, including me. When I’m like this, I also struggle with guilt, thinking I’m failing God. I don’t want to pray, and God seems a million miles away. When that happens, I know I have gotten into my “feels.”
Luckily, I’m seasoned enough in God and psychology to know feelings are not facts. Fact is, I’m definitely weird and cranky, but I’m not failing God. It’s not my job to support Him. He’s the one who promises to support me and never fail me.
Another fact is no one gets a pass on the hard stuff. Eventually, your number comes up. In this world, you will have trouble. Jesus said so. He also said to cheer up, He’s overcome the world. Romans 5 says, “We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts.”
The first time I read that, I was in prison. I was beginning to know God, but hope, joy, and patience were a long way off. I believe there are a lot of people in that boat right now. The sucker punches of 2020 have made many feel we’ve gone a few rounds with a prizefighter. Due to COVID, countless millions are experiencing their first Holiday Season without their loved ones. We desperately need to experience joy and hope amid all this suffering.
To experience hope and joy in my suffering, I must get out of my “feels” and into my “knows.” Jesus loves me, this I know, because the Bible tells me so. That’s one of my knows. Nothing can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus is another thing I know. And I know any God who loves me enough to die for me is worth trusting, even when things hurt. When I get into my knows, light begins shining in my darkness.
When I’m in my knows, I can remember no matter how crabby I get, Jesus still wants to be around me. That inspires awe and humility in me. It also helps me be patient with myself because I know He’s patient with me. My salvation and right standing with God don’t depend upon me; they depend upon Jesus. Even when I’m grumpy as a grizzly, I’m still loved by a God who promises He will never leave me. He’s closer than the breath in my lungs.
I guess awe and humility are what the Bible calls “character.” When I remember He still wants me, still loves me, still holds me, hope rises us inside me. And hope reminds me that, with Jesus, nothing is ever for nothing. He’s an expert at making even the most horrible things have incredible meaning. He did it with His own death. He will do it with the loss of my Dad. He will do all the sucker punches of 2020 if you let Him. Just call out His name, Jesus, and know the redemption and transformation have begun.
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