by: Cris Corzine-McCloskey
I know as I write this I run the risk of being lynched by the establishment, but I think it is time we discuss some things that occur, even in Christian marriages, that I believe are deal breakers. The two clear examples of when God gives the green light to leave a marriage are outlined in Matthew 5:32 and 1 Corinthians 7:15. In the first passage Jesus said that infidelity was an acceptable reason for divorce, and in Corinthians Paul talks about letting an unbelieving spouse go if they want to leave you. Unfortunately, that has left a lot of gray area that makes people question whether they are to put up with anything short of that.
Bearing in mind that I am a Christian counselor who believes in marriage, there are some things that we should not put up with. The first and most obvious is physical abuse. If someone is abusing a spouse or the children it is time to call the police and get to safe housing. Immediately! If the offending spouse is then willing to go to anger management classes, and you two decide to work things out through marriage counseling, that is great. If not, this is not an okay atmosphere for the spouse, and it is certainly not okay for the children. Emotional and verbal abuse is a little harder to define, and therefore can be equally insidious. Get help from a professional, because this stuff is not okay and breeds toxicity in a relationship. You must learn to set some boundaries.
Addiction problems are one of the ways a spouse can leave us mentally while staying there physically. When you are in love with an addict you know first hand that the addiction is always their first love and first choice. They are sick and need help. By staying in the home and watching them destroy themselves are you helping or are you enabling? Letting Go, Rugged Love for Wayward Souls by Dave Harvey and Paul Gilbert is a fantastic book for helping you answer these questions. Quite often a person in a destructive habit will not change if they don’t have to, and that will ultimately destroy them. Real love confronts, and is willing to be uncomfortable if it will ultimately save the object of it’s love. Look at Jesus, he epitomized that.
I think that when God said he hated divorce (Malachi 2:16) he was not giving a blanket statement that rubber stamped an ‘anything goes’ approach to marriage. After all, when the prodigal son wanted to party up his inheritance the father gave him the money, but he did not give him the option to stay at home and spend it. Love draws a line; it does not pull up a ring-side seat to a person’s self-destruction. If you have a toxic sickness in your home, don’t try to make peace with it, it wants to destroy you! Get help.
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