Come as you are

I have a confession to make. I am a mental health provider who struggles with recurring depression and anxiety, and I’ve recently had a relapse in my symptoms. Exit vim and vigor; enter foul mood and lack of motivation. Since nobody, especially myself, wants to deal with a depressed therapist, I am using an anti-depressant to help me find my mojo. I figured out a long time ago that it’s okay to be a Jesus follower and use psychotropic medication when needed.

Truth be told, I don’t like this part of me. I want to be the ever-victorious super-Christian who perpetually walks in the “joy of the Lord.” But I’m not. Like most of us, I have a lot of battle scars from my go-rounds with the devil and myself. That’s okay, though, because, as the saying goes, “Never trust anyone without a limp.” I have a limp.

When my mental health is compromised, I have a hard time snuggling into Jesus. I feel distant and distracted, like a hamster wheel is in my brain, and it can’t be still. In the past, I would feel very condemned and should all over myself. You know that game, “You should be praying more. You should put on some praise music. You should read your Bible,” and so on and on and on. Those should’s never helped, so I’ve kicked that nasty habit.

In place of should’s, I have decided to let love help heal me. I choose daily to let God love me just as I am: a little neurotic, not having it all together, and definitely not as I “should” be. But here are a few things I know because my Bible tells me so:  God, also called El Roi, the God who sees me, is a God of compassion and mercy. His understanding is endless, his love for you and me is as deep and vast as an ocean, His grace is sufficient, and His power is for me in my weakness. He sees me. He gets me. He loves me. He is not counting my sins, mental health struggles, or psychotropic medications against me.

Daily, I choose to let Him love me where I’m at because I know I can’t strive myself out of my condition. Actually, striving is usually what causes my symptoms to flare. I try until my try-er is broken. Trying to be too many things to too many people and to please a God who is already pleased with me because of Jesus’ sacrifice. Mine is a story of a grace that is always there for me, but I often don’t rely on it until I’ve come to the end of myself.

Maybe times like these are precisely what Jesus talked about when He said, “Come to me all who are weary and carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” We all need the kind of love that says, “I love you just as you are. I accept you fully. Give me your problems; you don’t have to be burdened by them any longer.” True love, God’s type of love, says, “Come as you are.” It’s a love that’s patient and kind and not keeping a record of our wrongs. It’s a love that heals.

I share these personal struggles because they are a normal part of the human condition. I want you to know you are not the only one with a limp. And the grace and love I rely on is also fully and unconditionally offered to you. Crowder says it best in his song Come as You Are: Lay down your burdens. Lay down your shame. All who are broken, lift up your face. Oh, wanderer, come home; you’re not too far. Lay down your hurt, lay down your heart, come as you are. Fall in his arms…Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal.