Grace for broken promises

What an incredible week it has been for me—it’s my anniversary with Jesus. Twenty years ago, I found myself in a tough spot, arrested on Federal meth charges. Just two days later, I reached out to Jesus in my moment of need. This week marks both my sobriety anniversary and my celebration of passing from death to life.

In the recovery community, I’ve officially earned the title of “old timer,” and I wear that badge with pride. But I know that this journey wasn’t mine alone; the heavy lifting was done by my best friend, Jesus. He’s been so incredibly faithful to me.

As I reflect on His faithfulness, I realize that His goodness, mercy, and kindness have been the foundation of my life for the past 20 years. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for myself, as I have often failed to keep the promises I made to Him. Now, at this 20-year milestone, I want to renew my vows with Jesus.

I believe that fear and desperation are common entry points into a relationship with Jesus, and I was no exception. I reached out to Him with nothing but misguided motives and unbelief, yet He met me where I was. I can’t recall if I made any promises to Him at that time, but if I did, I am pretty sure I didn’t mean them and have likely not upheld them. The only exception is that I never used meth again, but I cannot take credit for this as a promise kept, since He healed me of my addiction. It has only been by His grace that I’ve been sober for the last 20 years, not my willpower.

I had no idea back then, and it has taken me two decades to truly understand, but the reality is that He is the promise keeper, not me. In this vow renewal, the most crucial commitment I want to make is to rely entirely on Him, rather than on my own abilities. But if I’m realistic, I know I won’t always keep that promise either. That’s the nature of being human.

Jesus loves us with an unfailing love that endures through our struggles. He sees us as precious treasures, instilling a deep sense of worth that transforms our self-view. Embracing His love reveals the futility of our promises and perfectionism and invites us to release our self-stuff, allowing our hearts to heal through His boundless grace.

I have come to realize that Jesus always sees the best in me and believes the best about me. Unfortunately, I have often failed to extend that same perspective to Him. There have been times when I was angry with Him, felt like He was distant, and judged Him when things didn’t go the way I wanted. Despite all the negativity I bring to Him, what do I receive in return? Mercy and understanding. It’s truly remarkable. Happy Anniversary, Jesus! My anniversary gift to you is to offer all that I am not and to fully embrace all that you are. I love you!