I’m mourning my weekend binge eating. Frankly, I’m mad at myself and a little mad at Jesus for not putting tape over my mouth. Though I didn’t go completely off the rails, it was bad enough. And so goes the continuing saga of my struggle to win over my food addiction.
If you read my last blog, you know I began fasting sugar, processed foods, and junk entertainment at the start of 2023. Not as a resolution but as a revelation of my lifelong history of running to food to comfort or numb me instead of running to the only one who can truly fill and fulfill me, Jesus. The problem is, once you see something as a sin in your life, you can’t unsee it. Restated, now that I’m aware of my propensity to turn to cake and pizza as comfort instead of my friend Jesus, it should be easy to give it up. Right? Wrong!
My battle feels like this: two inches of victory followed by two inches of defeat. Back and forth, the same two inches of ground won and lost, over and over. My flesh wants to give up and eat everything in sight or go on a diet where it can count calories, weigh, and feel in control. Until it isn’t. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt that no longer fits. My flesh also tells me the latest weight loss drugs might offer the remedy.
Frankly, my flesh is a maniac. It always wants quick, feel-good fixes that don’t last. I know that about myself, so I try not to jump on that crazy train. I want to listen to my spirit. My spirit, the part of me that is in union with Christ, is wise and sees those two inches I’m fighting for as Holy Ground that was never intended to be anything but free in Christ. So, here is the dilemma, my flesh wants pizza, and my spirit wants Jesus. And this battle rages within my soul.
Our soul consists of our mind, emotions (heart), and will. According to Christianity.com, it is who we are as human beings. And as I am learning, it is also the battleground between the flesh and the born-again spirit. That means to fully experience the Abundant Life Christ died to give us, our souls must agree with the spirit within us. Then it’s 2 against 1, soul and spirit against the flesh = Abundant Life! Conversely, if our souls agree with the flesh, it’s still 2 against 1, but in the direction that ushers in chaos and bondage.
Paul wrote about this battle. He said in Romans 8:5, “Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.” If you remove the word “minds” and insert souls, you see a perfect snapshot of my food struggle and why those 2 inches of turf are Holy Ground.
Fortunately, not all the battles in my life have been this hard. Food addictions are one of my deepest dysfunctional roots, so I will give myself some grace. I know Jesus has. Jesus understands that sometimes those 2 inches feel like 2 million miles. And just maybe they are. There may be victory in this I can’t yet see. Perhaps that’s why it feels so hard. Regardless, I don’t want to give my flesh or the devil a solitary inch in my life.
Therefore, I say, “Jesus, your power is made perfect in my weakness. I want to be obedient and victorious, but I can’t do anything apart from You. Help my soul to find rest in You alone. Not food, junk TV, social media, or my iPhone. Just You. – I ask this in Your precious and powerful name. Amen.”
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