There is a line from Donald Miller’s book, Blue Like Jazz, where he says,“Believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is making a decision.” I like that. Through my faith in Jesus, I have fallen in love with Him. But, as anyone who has experienced love knows, there are days when feelings waver, and it may even feel as though you’re questioning your relationship.
I admire those who endure hard times without questioning God. I just haven’t met any. We wonder about our salvation, question if God listens, and struggle with His presence in our pain. Even David, a man after God’s own heart, asked tough questions in the Psalms.
I have experienced this myself. When things are going well and my relationships are running smoothly, my connection with God feels seamless, like a well-oiled machine. However, when I encounter challenges, the demands on that connection increase. Sometimes doubt creeps in, and my faith becomes hard to grasp. I feel troubled during these times, and they frighten me because I wonder if I can recover. I also feel embarrassed by my doubts, as if I believe I should be beyond such thoughts and emotions.
In a book called Scarred Faith by Josh Ross, I found a quote that rocked me. It resonated with the despondency I was feeling at that time, and I was moved by who said it. The person said, “The darkness is so dark – and I am alone. Unwanted, forsaken. The loneliness of the heart that wants love is unbearable. Where is my faith? Even deep down, there is nothing but emptiness and darkness…I dare not utter the words that crowd in my heart and make me suffer untold agony. So many unanswered questions live within me…If there be a God – please forgive me” (p. 73). How many of us have been there? It seems like something only people with shallow faith would feel, or so I thought. Until I realized that quote was from Mother Teresa.
While I hate that Mother Teresa ever felt that way, I am grateful she shared her pain. Stormie Omartian, an author and prayer warrior, claims our struggles often serve as a means for God to enrich our lives. She states, “One of the ways God makes us certain of His light is by allowing us to test it in the darkness” (Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On, p. 30). Whether the darkness results from our own choices or external challenges, it presents an opportunity for growth. Isaiah 45:3 reminds us, “I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hidden riches of secret places.” God is telling us there are treasures in our dark places, even dark places filled with doubt.
What are the hidden treasures we discover in moments of darkness when our faith feels elusive? For David, his ability to cling to God during tough times shaped his character into that of a king. Similarly, I believe that for Mother Teresa, the grace she received from God empowered her to love others in a truly unyielding manner. We admire these individuals! Their inspiring stories show how the sparks they ignited in dark moments can light the way for us all.
Who knows what the treasure is for you? Only you can answer that question. For me, I am gaining the treasure of not being afraid when I feel my faith is weakening. After all, faith is a gift from God, and according to Romans 11:29, all of God’s gifts and callings are irrevocable. In other words, I can’t really lose my faith. He gave it to me, and He is not taking it away. And His call on my life is not affected by my times of doubt. That frees me to be honest with Him about what I’m feeling, even when it’s ugly and full of doubt, which may be the greatest treasure of all.
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