Love doesn’t have an agenda

This week is my 18th sober-versary and my Jesus’ birthday. We’ve all got our stories, so here is mine; I was lost, and now I’m found. I was dead, and now I’m alive. I was one way, and now I’m completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Him. That is what I always want to shout from the mountaintop: IT WAS HIM!!!

For those who don’t know, Jesus found me in a jail cell. I was a full-blown meth addict headed for prison. I called out His name and was healed from my addiction, and my life was set on a path of restoration. For 18 years, I’ve always known He rescued, healed, and restored me. I have understood the who, but I have struggled with the why.

On the surface, it may look like He rescued and healed me because He knew I would be running a ministry, helping folks, and blogging about Him. But that has never sat right with me. It made it seem I was worth rescuing because He could get something out of me. As a childhood assault survivor, when a dad does something for you so they can get something out of you, we don’t call that love. We call that grooming.

God calls Himself the Good Father, and good dads don’t deal with their children based on reciprocity. Besides, what would God have needed with a burned-out old meth head? And as it says in the Bible: “The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything (Acts 17:24-25).”

I had a superb stepdaddy; he always wanted the best for me because he loved me. He delighted in me and always gave of himself to bless my life. Good fathers want good things for their children no matter what; they will bankrupt themselves to give it to them. Our Good Father bankrupted Heaven to provide us with Jesus so that one desolate night, 2000 years later, a burned-out meth head could call out His name and be rescued. That’s what love does. Love doesn’t have an agenda.

For several years, I had a back problem that was growing steadily worse. A couple weeks ago, He healed it. But He didn’t do it while I was holding my mustard seed of faith, in a posture of believing and receiving, or had my mind free of muck and guck. Nope. It happened on a day when I was cranky and, frankly, full of doubt. Then He snuck up on me and zapped me with healing. I literally felt my hip bones shift, and the pain is gone! You could have knocked me over with a feather. Not that He could do it, but that He would do it when I was so clearly unqualified.

Why did He do it? Because He loves me. The same reason He rescued and healed me 18 years ago. It had very little to do with me other than the fact that I was an object of His relentless affection. And so are you. That’s the other thing I’ve figured out over the past couple of decades. He loves us all just the same. He’s not mad at you; he’s mad about you. Crazy in love with you.

So, take it from me, a former burn-out and still frequently cranky, undeserving, and doubting daughter of the Good Father. Even though I might feel like His favorite, I’m not. He loves you just as much. He doesn’t want anything from you. That’s not love. Love doesn’t have an agenda. He just wants to give you life.