by: Cris Corzine-McCloskey
“The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!” Habakkuk 3:19 Amp Bible
Here we are in September, which means that Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a New Year are right around the corner. That means it is time for me to face the fact that the Spiritual goal I set for myself at the outset of 2016 is no closer to my grasp than it was when I set it. 2016 was going to be the year that I learned to trust God. I declared it at the outset, and I quickly buckled down and started memorizing scriptures about trust and documenting my progress in a journal. Then a series of crisis happened, I defaulted to panic…then I woefully realized I was no closer to trusting Him after all that work than I was before. I hit a wall and hit it hard. I felt wore out from my efforts, disappointed in myself, and a million miles from the One who I believed I had made all that effort for. What’s wrong with this picture?!
I will tell you what’s wrong, I was embarking on a journey that was not mine to take in the first place, and that is taking charge of my Spiritual growth. I decided the direction, the goal, and how we (I was at least going to allow God to go along) would get there. I think God watched me set off on this path with patient humor, waited for me to hit a wall, then gently whispered, ‘are you done yet’ as I laid there frustrated. The irony of all of this is that my very determination to grow in trust showed my absolute lack of trust!
Truth be told, my ability to trust God is a working of the Holy Spirit, and last I checked it is by grace through faith that grants us access to the Kingdom, and it is by grace through faith that we grow in that Kingdom, not by works. He is in charge of this thing, and He wants to be the one that leads us, even in our growth. Problem is, had I managed to gain my goal of trust, I would have had to make 2017 the year I stamped out pride, because I would have been all puffed up about how my work had attained my goal. Round and round I would go. Sound familiar?
From my experience I believe that this is a big trap for many sincere believers. We set our eyes on a prize we believe we need to be closer to God (ie, being more patient with our spouse) then we proceed to work that principle till we feel we have either mastered it or we give up and feel condemned. That’s even what they teach us as counselors, to study a problem and it’s symptoms, then proceed to get those symptoms managed till the problem either goes away or is kept on a tight enough leash to not impede too much on someone’s quality of life. Here is what I believe Jesus would say to that…’Poppycock!’ Okay, maybe He would only say that if He were British, but you get my meaning.
Never, ever, ever in the Bible does it tell us to fix our eyes on a problem, on a Spiritual goal, on a fruit of the Spirit, on anything but Jesus. The bible is clear about this. We fix our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2) the author and finisher of our faith. My favorite verse on this is 2 Corinthians 3:18 where it tells us that when we behold Christ and His glory we become more and more like Him! How awesome is that? I translate that to mean what I behold I become. If I behold Christ, I become more and more like Him, if I behold a problem, I become more and more aware of that problem. I don’t know about you, but being hyper-focused on a problem has never gotten me anywhere. It didn’t even gain me an ounce of that trust I so longed for, and that was as noble an endeavor as I’ve ever had. Fruitless, but noble.
So, after 9 months of straining to learn trust, the one thing I did learn is that He wants me to trust Him with my Spiritual growth, and truthfully, that terrifies me. I am afraid that if I let go of the reigns, just chill and behold, I will grow lazy and become a Spiritual couch potato. That shows that I still believe I’m running this show. Truth be told, any desire I have ever had to study scripture, pray, have a quiet time, go to church, all of it is initiated by Him anyway. Paul made that clear in Romans 8 when he says that those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. In other words, it is the Spirit that brings about life giving desires, not me and not you.
However, we also have an enemy, and he has a vested interest in making us self-absorbed, and he knows that the flesh loves a good to do list, especially when it comes to Spiritual growth. And if we don’t ‘feel’ like we are growing fast enough, we are libel to embark on all sorts of works-based endeavors to ‘feel’ more Spiritual. That’s what he did with me when he convinced me that I was lacking in trust (which is true) and that I needed to fix the problem (which is not true). Next thing you know I was on a religious hamster wheel wearing myself out working on a goal that I can never attain on my own anyway. For it is God who works in us to will and act in order to fulfill His good purpose (Philippians 2:13). When He is ready for me to learn to trust Him more He will do it. Maybe learning to trust Him with my lack of trust is the first step. It would be just like Him to do something funny like that.
In case you are wondering if I am going to take some time off on working on Spiritual things you would be incorrect. There is one thing that I am told to labor for, and I’m working on that right now. The book of Hebrews tells me to labor to enter in to the rest of God (4:11), so that is my new goal, resting in Him. That, to me, is what the author of Habakkuk was doing when he said that God was his strength and God would cause him to make progress in his Spiritual journey. He was resting. Ahhh, the easy chair of Grace! I think I will have a seat in it, how about you?
No responses yet