A Season of Change

Evidently, God thought I needed a season of change, because since January, about everything I thought I needed for stability has been tested, tweaked, or downright dropped from my life.

Funny thing is, as I walk through one of the most horrendous seasons of my life, I can’t help but notice that as the things I thought I had to have crumble and change, I feel lighter. Energized. Ready for a new season.

What is it about change that we fear so much?

I talk to countless clients who are in my office because their lives are not working for them. They tell me about terrible relationships, jobs they hate, financial decisions that are ruining their lives, and addictions that make them miserable. Yet they cling to the very things that make them sick.

I can’t knock them. I did it myself when I lived in drug addiction and all the insanity that went with it for more than 25 years.

Then I went on to build myself a shiny new addiction called worry and control. It made me just as miserable and was almost as difficult to give up. Worse, this time I knew I was harming myself and grieving the heart of God, but I still couldn’t let go. The fear of what might happen if things changed had me locked inside the insanity.

Truth is, we get used to our own level of dysfunction.

It becomes our awful normal. We may hate it, but it is familiar, and therefore strangely comfortable. It is stable in its instability. We can become addicted to drama until peace feels foreign. We can become so addicted to worry that surrendering something to God feels almost like the opposite of love.

Jesus did not say, “They will know you are My disciples by your worry.”

He said, “Fear not.” He said, “Trust Me.”

Yet, oh my, how we love carrying those burdens ourselves. We convince ourselves we are somehow managing our little corner of the world, and if we hand it over to Him, everything might go skittering out of control.

And worse yet, we might be required to change.

I think that may be the real issue.

If we leave that relationship, job, addiction, worry, reckless spending, or whatever our particular brand of dysfunction happens to be, what is waiting for us on the other side?

Will Jesus really catch us if we do the trust fall?

Even the thought of it can be terrifying in a culture obsessed with self-reliance.

In my business, we often say change happens when it becomes too painful to remain the same.

That finally became true for me.

The structures I had depended on were no longer bringing me joy. So, little by little, I began opening my tightly clenched hands and turning things over to Him.

Some things He gave back to me healthier.

Some things I do not want back at all.

One of the biggest and healthiest decisions I made was stepping down as acting director of Caring Counseling Ministries.

I finally realized God does not need me to carry His football across the goal line or kick the extra point. He doesn’t need me at all.

He loves me.

He enjoys doing things with me.

There is a tremendous difference.

I am still a therapist, which I love. I still care deeply about the ministry. But underneath all the titles and responsibilities, I am simply a woman who is loved by Jesus.

And that feels pretty darn good.

What about you?

What change are you resisting because the familiar feels safer than the unknown?

To everything there is a season.

Maybe it’s time for a new one.

I especially like “stable in its instability,” “awful normal,” and the football image. Those sound unmistakably like you. I’d keep them.