I have been drained lately.  I went to the Dr. and discovered the likely cause is stress, which forced me to admit how tough the past two months have been.  Between breaking my leg and losing my pet, I’ve been through the emotional and physical wringer.  But it wasn’t the crises that wore me out.  It was me trying to fix the problems that wrecked me.  I am forced to admit to myself I have become a fanatical fixer.

In retrospect, I see this started when Dad got sick.  I became frantic and began researching possible diagnoses and treatments.  The sicker he got, the more crazed my fixing efforts became.  After he passed, it switched to Mom, Nathan, CCM, and my dogs.  And in all my efforts, I haven’t managed to fix a single thing.  But I now have a burning pit in my stomach that tells me I may have stressed myself into an ulcer.  Now that needs to be fixed!

I know I’m not alone in this.  In my practice, I see a lot of fixers.  They are all stressed out and worn out from their efforts to keep their lives tidy and their families safe.  Oh, how I can relate!  The day I realized I was going to Google before going to God, I knew I had a problem.

I was listening to a Lysa TerKeurst teaching, and she said she gets up every morning and repeats these words, “God, you are good.  God, you are good to me.  God, you are good at being God.”  When I heard that, I realized I have been questioning if God is good at being God.  Gotta admit, over the past 18 months, I haven’t liked His plan.  I don’t think many of us have. But the Bible is full of people who God used that didn’t like some of His plans.  Including Jesus.

In the Gospels, there is only one story of Jesus asking for anything for Himself.  On the night before His death, Jesus asked God to change the plan.  “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”  When a cup of problems comes my way, I don’t check my Father’s will.  I try to fix the cup.  In essence, I am saying to the Father, “I want my will to be done, not yours.”

Don’t misunderstand; I do not believe we are to sit passively and let the devil kill, steal, and destroy our lives.  I just know from personal experience I can’t hear my Father’s voice when I’m frantic.  The Bible says, “How can two walk together unless they are in agreement?”  When I try to control the walk, I am no longer in agreement with God.  I’m going nowhere fast—destination breakdown with a burning pit in my stomach.

How did Jesus, the only one in history with the power to fix His circumstances, lay down His will for the Father’s?  The answer is found in Hebrews 12:2. “For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.”  He trusted God’s plan.  He knew God was good.  He knew God was good at being God.  He also knew His sacrifice would result in God being able to lavish His goodness on us. That was the joy set before Him.

Not surprisingly, we fixer addicts can’t fix ourselves.  Nope, this one is too big for us.  And all the Google searches in the world won’t bring the answers we need.  Luckily, we know someone good at fixing things, and He’s good at being God.

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