Thank you, Marion Republican, for the story about how the community came together to keep Candy Cane Lane going as a tribute to Tim Murphy. I loved the story, and the picture of all the volunteers pitching in brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad to see this happening, but it’s a reminder of how much we have all lost since this mess started. The pandemic hasn’t left anyone unscathed.
The Holidays often bring anxiety and depression. Last week I gave some tips on managing anxiety and stress. This week I want to address Holiday sadness and grief because we’ve all experienced hurt and unwanted change over the past two years. And for many of us who lost someone, Christmas will never be the same.
I’m not going to lie; adjusting to Christmas after a loss is difficult. But I think we make it more challenging when we try to pretend nothing has changed. I lost Dad in early 2020, and I still miss him every day, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel the pain, and it is alright to talk about what you are feeling, especially during the Holidays.
The Bible encourages us to express our sorrow. In Ecclesiastics, it says there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. The Israelites were very demonstrative in their mourning. They grieved outwardly and collectively. As a mental health provider, I know there is value in that. When families and friends come together and talk about losses, they heal faster.
Grief unobserved has the potential to cause long-term damage to our physical and emotional health. Give yourself permission to feel your heartache and do express your sorrow. If you need to hang their stocking and set their place at the table, do it and don’t feel weird about it. Encourage others to talk about your person. The more you tell stories about them, the better you will feel in the long run.
Unfortunately, in this broken, sin-sick world, grief is the great equalizer. None of us can escape it. Whether it be grieving the death of a loved one or a pet, the loss of a job, a marriage, or the normal we used to have pre-COVID, at this point, we have all lost something. It’s what we do with these losses that will make us or break us. As Joyce Meyer says, “You can let it make you bitter or better. The choice is yours.”
With Jesus, we can use the losses to make ourselves better. We can allow Him to bind up our broken hearts and then use the comfort we have received from Him to comfort others. When we remember this season is about Him coming as our Savior and not about what we’ve lost, we gain perspective. Then our grief can be observed without it swallowing us alive.
Poet Criss Jami wrote, “Listen to God with a broken heart. He is not only the doctor who mends it but also the Father who wipes away the tears.” Invite Him into your Christmas grief and see if He doesn’t turn your weeping into laughing and your mourning into dancing.
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