Last year, I hung a sign in my home that read, “Today I choose joy.” It inspired me to adopt the word “choose” as my word for the year. I was determined to regularly choose joy, as well as peace and love. However, nearly a year has passed, and I can honestly say that I often failed. Instead, it seemed that the more I tried to focus on feeling better, the worse I felt.
What happened? I couldn’t figure out the answer until I recently received some bad news about a potentially devastating problem that might be developing. My initial reaction was typical for me: my anxiety skyrocketed, and I began to panic and catastrophize, imagining all the terrible scenarios that could unfold. Then, a tiny spark of faith began to grow within me.
The spark reminded me of God’s goodness. This past year, as I had been focusing on choosing better reactions to my circumstances—such as joy and peace—God had consistently revealed His kindness, faithfulness, and love. Despite my failures, the evidence of His goodness continued to emerge. I realized that day that I am entirely and undoubtedly convinced of His love for me. Wow! What I had once believed in faith has now become ingrained: He loves me! He is truly, genuinely good, and He is for me, never against me.
As the realization began to settle in my mind and heart, I surrendered the situation causing me fear to His loving care. Once I did this, something astonishing happened: I felt joy! Not only joy, but I also peace, and the love I felt for Him and for others was almost overwhelming. It struck me that I had been unable to choose joy or peace because I was putting the cart before the horse. Joy, peace, and even healthy love are not merely choices we make; they are the fruit of our ultimate decision to surrender our lives to Him.
Whenever I reflect on my experiences, I realize that I’ve only felt the “peace that transcends all understanding” when I let go of my desire to understand and surrendered the situation to Him. However, every time I took that burden back—because it’s a challenge to be human—I lost my peace in exchange for my urge to control and worry. My fear of outcomes is directly linked to my struggle to trust God in the areas of my life that scare me.
Here’s what I’ve learned after a year of trying to “choose joy”: When I trust God, joy chooses me. I can only trust Him when I believe that He is completely good—not just good in general, but good to me personally, and good at being God, as Lysa TerKeurst puts it. This doesn’t mean I will always enjoy or even like every outcome, but my knowledge and trust in Him can help me see beyond what is immediately visible. I can surrender any pain or struggle in my life to the care of the One who loves me best.
I don’t know a single person in my life to whom this doesn’t apply. He is so gobsmacked over all of us, and His desire to bless us is unfathomable. But the greatest blessings come when we surrender our lives and the lives of those we love, to Him.
The morning before I knew I had a potential problem, Papa God had me begin a 9-day prayer journey called “Novena of Surrender to the Will of God,” by Fr. Dolindo Ruotolo and Dr. Greg Bottaro. The day after my news, I read this: ““Surrender to Me” means do not worry, do not be upset, and do not lose hope; it does not mean offering me a worried prayer and asking me to follow along with your worry. To worry, to be nervous, and to desire to think about the consequences of anything is deeply against the surrender I require of you…Surrender means to peacefully close the eyes of the soul, to turn away from thoughts of tribulation, and to put yourself in my care.” Now, close your eyes, breathe, and repeat, “Jesus, I surrender myself to you; I trust you to take care of everything,” and wait for joy to choose you.
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